PM’s Hard Line on Revolution in Cancer Care

If you get cancer it’s clearly because you’ve done something deeply wrong in this life or a previous one and God is punishing you. No? Well obviously not. Cancer is just something that happens when certain biological processes go wrong and it can’t be helped. Unless you’re a dirty stinking smoker. So some people do actually bring it on themselves, take that people who were appalled by my opening parlay.

Plus, proper care for cancer patients is really expensive. It’s no longer a case of patting them on the head, expressing your sympathies and moving onto the more curable stuff like syphilis or someone’s very poorly toe. You have to fork out for expensive treatments like chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Every now and then you have to stump up for a very qualified person to come along and cut, snip or saw the tumours out of patients. Then there are the caring types to hold hands and stroke foreheads as the terminal ones slip away. And the cost of the therapy for having to deal with so much death in one’s daily working life.

So it’s probably not all that surprising that David Cameron isn’t especially behind funding all this nonsense. It’s far more important to him that the budget goes on the essential things like bombs and nuclear missiles which must under no circumstances be actually fired. And schools, they’re kind of sort of important too. You have to keep the state schools to a certain level or the disgusting riff raff will start to think they should shell out in order to attend the proper institutions of learning.

The Prime Minister is taking a hard line on recent developments in cancer care. It’s been determined that if every single patient gets a certain amount of face time with a consultant, access to top notch drugs and better care then they’re more likely to pull through. It’s come as something of a shock for the government who were hoping that cheaper methods might work just as well. Anyway, they’re going to say they do and make sure that each MP with the savings can purchase themselves a shiny new boat.

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