Oh, you get all high and mighty when dodgy journalists start tapping into the phones of unsuspecting celebrities but you’re perfectly prepared to forget the fact that you’re an especially unscrupulous hacker yourself. Don’t even try and backpedal in order to furiously deny what you’ll term as spurious and unfounded allegations. No one is remotely interested in your protestations of innocence. They’re all much more concerned with the sensationalist tales of precisely what you’ve been getting up to.
I’m sure you’ve got your excuses and reasons and lies of all kinds lined up in answer to what others have been saying. Again, kind of really doesn’t matter at this point once the allegation has been made and the media have got wind of the story. They’re perfectly happy for someone else to look bad in order for them to seem ever so slightly less reprehensible by comparison. You ought to be able to see by now that you are for all intents and purposes rather boned.
Of course you may start wondering just how people might have managed to get hold of this information (were it indeed any variety of true which is definitely isn’t). Surely this too was a gross invasion of privacy? Aren’t you entitled to become furiously indignant and outraged over this complete overstep of bounds? Well obviously not because you forfeited these rights to not being hacked when you did the same to others. Keep up.
It’s fine though because I’m sure you’ll agree that it was ever so much fun while it lasted. You got to find out so very many interesting titbits regarding the various foibles of people in the public eye. It was you who uncovered which brand of cereal David Cameron particularly enjoys, where Jennifer Saunders is planning to gallivant to on holiday and, most importantly of all, the latest theories on quantum mechanics as posited by Nick Nolte.