Floods Chief to Beat Back Pain

I really and truly do not quite understand why people are getting their knickers in quite such a tangled twist over this whole striking of the doctors issue. It will be fine. We’ve grown altogether far too dependent on the medical profession of late and should look at this situation as an opportunity to explore the various alternatives on offer when it comes to curing your kaleidoscopic ailments.

No of course I don’t mean that you should dabble in anything as outlandish as homeopathy to cure your niggling spinal twinge. Turn to crystals, the power of electromagnetism or stare at paint drying before you put your faith in the memory of water. Not that I’m being prejudiced or anything but you’d better hope that water’s memory is as patchy as a leaky sieve or it’ll start regaling you about all the poo it’s been in before it even start to try and alleviate your headache.

Rather than science or its phony alternatives you should go to capitalism for all your physiotherapy needs and more. This is the real reason why the floods chief had to pack in his day job. Sure, it was a noble and worthwhile cause to try and shore up the defences of this nation against the oncoming barrage of unexpectedly vicious rainwater. However, his side project of making everyone feel sprightly and fit again was just too compelling.

Whether you’ve slipped a disc, pulled a muscle or torn your back almost in two this is the man to try and help you. Don’t ask me how he does it (methods are veiled in the most opaque secrecy), he may simply have discovered that he has healing hands, or been given access to a wondrous potions collection or something more wonderful still. And all you need do in return is to help pile up the sandbags next time the rains come cascading down.

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