Top Scientists Warn Against Maternity Wards

It’s really not entering into the spirit of Christmas if you insist on having your baby in a hospital. Come on, do you really think your potential progeny is any better than the little infant Christ. Sure, an angel came and visited you when you felt the need to wee on that future prediction stick and now you’ve got a god complex but don’t you know that any deviation will seriously mess with the narrative progression?

And this really isn’t coming from the nutty religious types (crack them open and you’ll find either a deliciously gooey caramel filling, a creamy hazelnut praline or a lot more blood and guts than the first half of this sentence led you to expect). Interestingly enough the main thrust of warning is genuinely coming from the scientific community. They’ve banded together and rather than fighting the rising tide of disbelieving opinion on climate change (they know a lost cause when they see one. Eventually) they’re going after expectant mothers.

But nowadays we’re programmed. If you turn up anywhere busy without a hotel reservation then it’s your own silly fault when you’re denied a room. And when you’re about to pop out a wee one (that doesn’t sound right but I promise that if you don’t get what I meant then this blog probably isn’t for you. So… yeah) you either turn up at the nearest hospital or stay at home. For those who choose the latter there’s all manner of paraphernalia you can order in.

There’s the tub for splashing around during your pre-labour soak. You can get aromatherapy candles or someone in to rub your feet or whatever. I might not be completely up on this process given that I get the majority of my information from television. Just do yourselves a favour and stay away from maternity wards. Science said so.


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