It’s really not a great time of the year for being alone. Advertising is all geared towards us feeling that we should buy a mountain of practically useless ephemera for that special someone be they bedtime friend or someone you came out of (fine, that’s pretty bad phrasing). All in all, if you don’t have an eye watering number of people to purchase presents for then you’ve obviously failed in life. I’ve bought stuff for five people, six if you count secret Santa, clearly I’m a winner.
But never mind, because bad stuff happens regardless of what’s going down in the calendar. Therefore, someone’s bound to be miserable whatever holiday happens to be happening. So worry not because you’re almost definitely probably not going to be alone in your unwelcome feelings.
However, there will always be those looking to make a fast buck over other people’s misfortune. As usual, charities are the fastest vultures in the west. In spite of all that benevolent guff they spout over their great works and acts of kindness, they’re actually properly definitely evil. One of them even employed a prominent statistician to examine various nefarious ways for them to maximise profit. And they found that the way forward was to exploit the raw vulnerability of the newly divorced trying to piece together their lives ready for the festive period.
You don’t even want to know the sorts of stunts they pulled and not just because I’m currently in the process of making them up on the fly. They sent round kindly volunteers to give them much needed cuddles and go through their pockets for spare change. There were the heartstring pulling videos and leaflet campaigns about people going through an even worse time than them. Studies showed how easily these people are exploited and the charities have truly cashed in. What a merry Christmas indeed.