Twelve Steps to Boost Economy

This is going to take my mediocre finance skills to the limit and then some. However, when the result is so very excellent who’s going to complain. Sure, the experts in the field have had a hearty crack at the problem, then the experts in the office had a go too. After which the politicians had a go, randomers on the street and then some dude called David who works in marketing. It’s definitely my turn.

As with all pressing issues, the very first step is to admit you have a problem. Then to progress to denial. Once you’ve managed to get out all your angry tears over the pitiful state of the situation you can start planning. Set out what you’re going to do for that super-secret surprise party for someone you don’t know very well, plan your dream holiday and what you’re going to name the seven children you’ll produce once Tom Hiddleston realises you’re his dream girl/boy/amorphous but surprisingly alluring cloud of molecules.

By the time you’ve blown through all that crucial admin you’ll realise that the deadline for fixing the economic state of the country is looming large. No matter what level of panic this causes you to spin into, this is a good thing. It puts the pressure on and will make you work so very much harder to reach a resolution. Mainly because you know that if you fail you’ll be torn apart by loan sharks or other financially incentivised types from the animal kingdom.

Once you’ve completed the dashing around like a headless chicken step you can ascend to the level where you realise that sweeping cuts to any and all essential services like hospitals and television is ridiculous. You free up funds by not buying more bombs and toys that go boom because you know you won’t use them. Then you give every baby fifty pounds to invest in the future of this land and it might just end up having on. Or not, I’m no economist.

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