Osborne Axe to Fall on Weekend Baby

Now before you go thinking this is yet another King Herod style ridiculous escalation do stop worrying. The axe is purely metaphorical and I can assure you that the chancellor wouldn’t dare to even dream of using it to behead tiny infants if it was. Probably. Not as a part of his day job anyway. As usual, the axe in question relates to budgetary cuts that absolutely have to be made lest the country dissolve in an acidic bubble of insolvency.

There’s absolutely no way to decide how to do this fairly. They know this because they spent a whole half hour in front of an A3 flip chart trying to come up with schemes and managed to produce precisely zero. It’s hardly as if they could take tax benefits and preferential treatment away from the rich people who have no need for it. That would be insanity of the highest order.

So some arbitrary device had to be brought into existence for picking and choosing who would be shafted by the state. Whilst idly reading poems to his children (it might have happened at some point. He wouldn’t have staff for absolutely everything now would he?), George landed on a belter of an idea.

Saturday’s children are an industrial folk who’ll always put in the effort to achieve their goals. It says so in black and white. Such people are hardly going to be satisfied with getting government handouts for things like education or healthcare. Better not to make those an option at all so as not to offend their principles. As for Sunday’s children, they’ve clearly already got loads of stuff going for them. Being bonny and blithe has been statistically proven to be a hell of an advantage in the workplace so potential employers will be happy to overlook something as piffling as a lack of qualifications. Let the weekday children get benefits. Piece of cake.

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