Majority Now Wants Diamond Dummies

When it comes to parental instincts, nothing is good enough for their dear darling children. The first move is always to shield them from that which might have the capacity to hurt them like mercury and vaccines (the internet has rather a lot to answer for when it comes to propagating certain rumours). The other initial step is to provide top of the range equipment.

And you really have to hand it to marketing people for doing their utmost to exploit this well intentioned urge. They’ve introduced toys with more tech than seen in most airline cockpits, pushchairs with rocket engines and much and more besides. So the very latest trend, just in case you haven’t noticed, is ridiculously opulent materials for everyday items.

When they first introduced oral surrogates manufactured from diamond, everyone thought they were mad. But then they got the same people in who convinced folk far and wide that diamonds and diamonds alone would be all that would do for engagement rings. They came up with a bold new campaign that put children at the very heart of matters.

Those raised without a diamond dummy are left perilously at risk of all sorts of conditions no one could have contemplated previously. Weak gums and teeth with absolutely no discernment for quality. And horrors even worse that I simply cannot bear to contemplate. While those who are blessed with generous parents looking out for their wellbeing are skipping about and being totally advanced.

Now the majority is on side that diamond dummies are very definitely the way forward when it comes to constructive parenting. De beers are overwhelmed with job and actively planning the next stage in their domination of life events. I believe they’re already drawing up designs for diamond encrusted coffins and urns. Very tasteful ones of course.


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