Aslyum Seekers Ferried 9 in 10 Cancers

Now we know how it happened. The indomitable incredible rise in the rate of cancers in recent history is because of them. You know the them I mean. Forget the increases in radiation and gentle waves from our mobile devices and such delicately microwaving our insides. For just a moment or two you can put smoking and all its powers for coating internal organs with tar aside. Diet, exercise, the number of children you’ve popped out, X-rays you’ve had and whatnot have zero relevance for the time being.

As much as it pains me to say it (and believe me, it really does. It’s either that or the axe poking out of my shoulder. No, I’m not getting way too into my Halloween preparations) the Daily Mail was right. We really shouldn’t be letting migrants into this country. Not so many of them anyway. Or any at all. Whatsoever. And kick out the ones who’ve snuck their way in recently.

Incredibly, this isn’t actually blind prejudice. Even though every leftist instinct in my body is crying out against it I can’t deny the facts. This is about simple survival instinct. It turns out that not only is cancer actually contagious (it just hides this particular quality really insanely well) but that the migrants brought it will them. Most of it anyway. The good old fashioned British cancers have always been here. They took out Katherine of Aragon because that’s what Henry VIII wanted.

But I digress. The migrants have been brining cancers into the country and we’re all boned if we don’t scourge them from our nation. I don’t want to hear from any bleeding hearts, it’s time we took a firm line and I’ll be the first to admit that we were mistaken if it doesn’t work. In the end. After it’s had a fair amount of time to prove itself as a system. Possibly for thirty years or so after I’m dead.

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