Junior Doctors Win Fizzy Drinks Giant

We’re probably definitely always going to need human doctors. Robots are all well and good when you’re in the depths of space in desperate need of emergency surgery on your leg. However, the human touch can make all the difference when it comes to getting better. The cold dead drone of an automaton probably isn’t all that reassuring when it comes to a cancer diagnosis.

So the steady stream of doctors in training are more than a little vital to the future of our glorious national health service (it really is, and the BBC is divine and if the current government keep messing with either of them they’ll be on the receiving end of a very sternly written note indeed). We really need to find ways of keeping them onside and in country. The current struggle over contracts (I’ll be honest, I don’t know the finer points, it’s probably got something to do with pay or hours or something) really isn’t helping.

Something major had to be done in order to keep the healers happy. In true capitalist fashion, the relief didn’t come from the state but courtesy of the corporations (I know, thin end of the wedge. It’s stuff like this that probably got us into all that trouble back in 2008 but we were really in a pickle and Jeremy Hunt wasn’t in the mood to help).

A friendly fizzy drinks giant (yes, that’s right, he’s composed of various carbonated soft drinks) will roam the corridors of hospitals up and down the country (he’s really quite quick on his puddly feet) dispensing delicious Coke, Fanta, Pepsi, dandelion and burdock or whatever else the physicians have in mind. That way they’ll be kept energised and satisfied by the sheer power of bubbles. It’s a victory for the downtrodden harried folk at the bottom of the medical ladder. But they can’t have Dr Pepper. That would be just wrong.

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