Osborne Reveals Deal With Plastic Bags

In a shock move today of flagrant money grubbing as opposed to any desire of improving matters for the environment, the government revealed that we’re now going to have to cough up even more just to drag the shopping home. Clearly some enterprising evil force within the plastic bag oligarchy has plunged their fingers into various pies to bring this incredibly lucrative scheme into being.

However, necessity is the spur of invention or something along those lines. People are going to get remarkably creative so that they don’t have to fork out the outrageous sum of a whole five pence. Imagine what better uses that money could be put to like many cheap sweets or some very short phone calls. Obviously those calculations are dependent on the number of plastic bags you decide to bring into your life on a weekly basis.

Imagine a plastic bag wafting gently around in the breeze. Once this represented many things such as a moment of indescribably beauty or a film maker’s pretension worthy of a hearty eye roll (it’s been too long since I’ve watched the film for me to remember which camp I’m in). However, nowadays it merely causes people to hear the unmistakeable sound of money funnelling itself down the drain. On the other hand, it may well also represent the indomitable spirit of the British public in the face of adversity.

Channelling the events of Dunkirk and similar, the people will rise up against this nonsense. Rather than bringing bags with them or lowering themselves to the point where they’ll stump up the pennies, they’ll come up with alternatives. People will turn up at supermarkets with nets in hand or ridiculously large belts with a handy number of hooks from which they can hang groceries. Just you wait and see if that isn’t exactly what occurs.


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