Police Vow to Ignore Lost Generation

Who really cares about the thoughts and feelings of millennials anyway? They’re crippled with debt, don’t have well-paying jobs because of unbridled competition and rarely bother to vote. Why on earth would anyone in charge waste their valuable time paying any form of attention to them?

Thanks to the latest plethora of budget cuts and ever more stringent regulations, the police have made a bold decision. One that’s ill-informed and likely to lead to the rise of anarchy and one of those futuristic dystopias I’ve been reading so much about lately but a decision nonetheless that they’ll very definitely be sticking with thank you very much.

Similar to the initiative of not investigating burglaries in evenly numbered houses that worked so effectively, the police will be ignoring those born between the years of 1980 and 2000. From now on, the law won’t be able to touch them, not down to any amazing new powers of avoiding detection but from pure apathy. Younger children will of course be obliged to continue to toe the line as their elders have recognised the need for currently tiny people to one day take over their places in society.

Thrust out into the cold and unfeeling world of lawlessness, how precisely will people manage? It’s certainly going to make bringing up children interesting as society will increasingly feel the need for law abiding citizens. And no doubt they’ll be something of an exponential increase in vigilante justice. And rogue police officers who no longer have to follow the rules but will rigidly enforce them.

If the grand experiment works they may well institute it for future generations and couples will keep an even closer eye on the calendar for when they’re thinking of conceiving. If you want the very best for your child you’ll be sure to bang so as to squirt out your young before the clock strikes twelve on December 31st 2020.

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