Corbyn Hit By Former Health Minister

Once you’ve exited the government people really don’t care what you do any more. People are surprisingly willing to pay you extortionate sums of money for your after dinner speeches and employ you for ridiculous jobs (naming no Middle East Peace Envoys of course. And what exactly has Gordon Brown been doing of late? Serving his constituents? A likely story I think you’ll find).

For example, should find yourself crippled by violent incandescent rage about some current event or other you can probably actually do a little something about it. If you can’t believe that the voting public have been sufficiently disagreeable as to elect a certain someone into the Labour leadership then your palm may begin to feel ever so slightly twitchy.

You can track down said contest winner down in the street and strike him across the face. Several times. With gusto. And nobody’s really going to do all that much about it. So now Jeremy Corbyn’s walking around with a distinctly red hand print on his cheek. He’s smarting just a little from the indignity and I’m sure you’re wondering what precisely he’s going to do about it.

In the old days it was a lot simpler. When someone hits you in the face it’s a tacit invitation to a duel. You can settle back in the firm knowledge that come the dawn you can blow a hole in your opponent which will not only wipe the smile off his wretched little face but also make pretty much everyone around you forget about the previous incident of violence.

Sadly times have changed and it’s a lot harder to get away with shooting someone with a shotgun (the traditional choice of gentleman duellers). He’s going to have to employ every ounce of trickery and cunning in order to get rid of the stain upon his honour. Possibly by having him killed. You didn’t hear this from me.

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