21 Brits Killed By Labour Civil War

The most brutal political conflict of the past millennia, the Labour Civil War, was triggered back in late 2015. Jeremy Corbyn had so recently swept to power in a blaze of glory which many took to be an omen of unstoppable oncoming doom. How could someone with strong principles and a backbone ever hope to prevail in electoral combat?

Left to his own devices, Corbyn might have actually been able to do some semblance of good. He might have pushed some buttons and brought some compelling arguments to light that could have been ignored otherwise. One or two empty gestures could have been extended to improve the lot of the beleaguered younger generation as all the excitement made them ever so slightly likelier to vote rather than stay at home and watch cartoons.

However, it turns out that losing out in a popularity contest can make for some unhappy colleagues. The Bitter Triumvirate, as they came to be known, refused to take their defeat lying down. They started sowing discord and whatnot, spreading ugly rumours and being more rebellious than the sulkiest teenager in all the land.

As had been formerly predicted, the disgruntled three formed a splinter group within the party of all those hacked off by the changes in upper management. Among the most outspoken were several who’d backed Corbyn’s initial bid, never dreaming they’d end up with such a figure ruling over them.

Matters escalated and the whole situation went from bad to worse. It was merely a matter of time before members started taking up arms. All it took was for one person to casually suggest they ought to start taking guns to meetings to defend themselves. Before long everyone was packing heat. Innocent members of the general public were caught in the crossfire. Things only came to an end once the Queen sacrificed herself to the mayhem and her successor, Charles the Glorious outlawed parliament in all its forms. Britain soon returned to simpler feudalistic times.

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