Cameron: I Approved Drone to Kill Queen

Obviously it was a prank. Regicide is still generally frowned upon even in this age of democracy and whatnot. For a Prime Minister to try and seize power in such an ugly fashion is clearly several bridges too far and David really doesn’t know what came over him. Of course it was a practical joke that wasn’t overly funny in the first place that got monstrously out of hand.

Even clad in a Prime Ministerial signature and dripping with expensive sealing wax nobody is going to pay attention to such an edict. Look at her, she’s just so cute with her hats and dogs. It’s fine to have a pop at a monarch while they’re in the first flush of youth. That’s when they’ve got something of a chance of fighting off an attacker. Monarchial homicide really needs to be considered as one of the more gentlemanly sports.

Anyway, for one glorious moment or seven Cameron let himself get carried away. Naturally, because he’s British and such experiences go hand in hand, he’s going to be haunted by said actions for the rest of his career and indeed his natural born life. We are especial specialists when it comes to guilt. Granted, we’re very much not the only ones but we bring a certain class and twinkle to such emotions.

The most important thing for you to take away is that all is well. Nobody assassinated the Queen so it’s all just tickety-boo. No one would dare to go after her royal head. I doubt that anyone would have taken a crack even if it had been Charles. However, thanks to the magic of digital communications and inexplicable leaking, the world will know forevermore that David’s actually a republican and such knowledge may well cause him to expire from shame. He also seems to indulge in schoolboy fantasies of drone strikes. Get that man an Xbox.


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