Britain to Change the World

Ever since the fall of that empire we were so very proud of, Britain has taken something of a back seat globally. Sure, we chased off invaders of all kinds (and I am not referring to the sad state of the migrant situation) and brought delights to the rest of the world like Bake Off and Strictly but we haven’t exactly been driving anything in particular forward.

Then again, the world’s already metamorphosed beyond all hope of recognition. What with people of whatever gender running around marrying whomever they fancy (shock, horror. People getting hitched for the sake of love rather than transaction of property) and wearing clothes of however many fibres they feel like, we’ve gone way beyond Biblical times.

How exactly can Britain hope to change the world? A larger influx of stiff upper lips to dampen the spirits of the more hot-blooded countries? Instigating the worldwide mandatory uptake of afternoon tea (our greatest contribution to the pantheon of meals)? However we’re going to do it (and now that the decision has been made we absolutely have to smash it) it’s going to be fabulous. Not that we’d go on about it.

Perhaps the change we’ll make to the world is by removing ourselves from it. Sure, our national space programme has lain dormant for quite some time. There may even be those who believe it to be dismantled. What they haven’t realised is that they have been busy quietly placing rockets under key locations of this gloriously green country of ours.

People really aren’t happy with the whole immigration boondoggle and want to stymie the efforts of those who would readily open the floodgates. They’re going to shoot the whole land mass into space and see how many of the oppressed still feel like making the hazardous journey to the Queen’s own soil.

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