‘Super’ Flu Jab to End Market Turmoil

If people can’t stagger their way into work then they can’t possibly bugger up the economy can they? While this might at first appear to be the brainchild of an especially evilly mad scientist, the more you think about it the more sense it makes. Yes it does.

Because at the end of the day, money is an inert substance. It doesn’t do anything on its own. Sure the malevolent spirits that hover around currency in all its forms are wont to mess with your head. They want you to steal it and spend it, fritter it away on fripperies so that the cold light of dawn leaves you lonely and desolate. Or something.

But when left alone money really doesn’t get up to all that much. It doesn’t throw raucous parties or invest itself in dodgy propositions. Probably. Therefore, if everyone’s off sick then things will stay exactly as they are. Sure, it’s not a great situation but this is an absolute definite guarantee that it will not get any worse. People still won’t be able to afford things like housing but most of them should be able to but the odd loaf of bread when they’re feeling frivolous and like they deserve a change from gruel.

I’m sure the question on the very tip of your tongue is how on earth did they create a super flu jab? Well, when you mix various strains of flu together in an appropriate vessel (namely a pig duck bird born from an unholy laboratory union) then magic happens and an incredibly infectious new virus emerges. This one is especially special because it targets people who work in the financial sector. I’m really not sure why.

When life deals you this particular kind of shiny weapon how on earth are you supposed to resist the temptation to use it? So you invent spurious logic and arguments to justify the deployment (somehow, because you simply want to watch the world burn isn’t a good enough reason if you aren’t a Bond villain caressing an extraordinarily fluffy white pussycat). The state of the economy is going to get really rather interesting. Watch it not move.

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