Crisis Talks in Frantic Bid to Stop Tornado Warning

We have mastered so very many things about this world of ours. Nothing especially tangible but it’s a comfort to be able to lie to oneself. Top dogs can spout soothing untruths to settle the unruly masses. We’ve wiped out polio, a cure for HIV is on the way, the economy isn’t completely buggered forevermore.

It’s not completely all unbridled lies. Almost. We have managed to thin that pesky ozone layer and carve chunks of sort of precious materials out of the earth. Mighty humans have tamed the globe and the next thing the scientists are going after is the weather. The downside is that pesky weather warnings are laughing in their faces.

Tornados are going to rip their way across the country. Britain is about to become plagued by whirling gusty cyclones and there’s next to nothing that can be done about it. So perhaps they have to hide every single scrap of warning that they’re on their way and everyone can bask in the terribly lovely surprise. No need to batten down the hatches or whatever else people do in preparation for such things (I haven’t watched quite enough American television of late to be completely sure).

I’m sure there are other options they’re working with at the moment. They can invest in a countrywide project of universal batten hatching down (I really don’t know what else you’re supposed to do in anticipation of especially shitty weather – buy lots of bottled water and canned goods). Or they can unveil the sky harnessing machine they’ve been working on for quite so long.

It uses string and crystals to identify vibrations in the air that can direct the intentions of the air currents. I might have not entirely understood the press release they put out. There were definitely quite a few scientific words in there and definitely some worries about storms to come.


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