The ‘Plot’ Against PE Teachers

Where would be the fun in life without a little well intentioned intrigue? The secret to a well manufactured plot is a target that everyone can get behind attacking. Fine, there’s probably a bit more to it than that but it’s what I’m going to kick off with for the time being.

No one likes a PE teacher. Maybe there are one or two fans but they tend not to be schoolchildren under their purview. PE teachers get to stand around in tracksuits tormenting their pupils as they run about in the mud shivering in their shorts. Perhaps I’m remembering my school days through effluence smeared goggles. It probably wasn’t all that bad.

However, you do feel something of a lack of camaraderie with the person in charge. They don’t have to wear appalling gym knickers (which, with the benefit of hindsight, is probably for the best). So they definitely deserve to be plotted against.

Once you’ve got your target in mind you get to move onto the actual fun of plotting. What are you going to do to them? How will you justly humiliate them for forcing you into such injustices like press ups and the high jump (I have never been one for defying gravity)? I feel that some variety of gunge ought to be involved. In public. To guffaws of laughter.

Yes it’s a highly petty and vindictive way to spend one’s hours but how else are you supposed to cope with the raging onslaught of puberty? Or possibly the crushing disappointment of the emptiness of your own life (there’s no judgement here. This is a safe place. Loser). If you can take someone down and thrust them deeper into the darkness than you are then you’re life isn’t a complete waste. Probably. Plot away my friends and prosper.


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