The Paramedic Will Burgle Cilla’s Mansion

It’s a completely brilliant plan (by which I obviously mean terribly clever rather than in any way good. Some devious mastermind has been hard at work and is poised to reap some killer benefits. Hopefully without any actual death involved). I mean, who would ever be able to see this sort of thing coming? Its very horribleness protects it from discovery.

Allow me to back things up a touch for you. Cilla Black died a short while ago which is very sad. Obviously. Anyone who dies unexpectedly (or otherwise, we’re generally not very good with dealing with the end of the lives of others. Some cultures celebrate the experience that was, others eat the corpse to gain their tasty courage – I think. We break out the finger sandwiches and swap maudlin tales about our encounters with the now stiff) is liable to elicit sympathy.

Anyway, she was a celebrity and therefore in possession of some interesting stuff. If not actual money, you can’t always count on that sort not to blow through all their cash, then memorabilia worth flogging on eBay. But how to get to the treasures within? People like that have security and you’re increasingly likely to get caught in this watchful day and age. So you send someone upstanding and trustworthy who no one would ever suspect.

Paramedics are angels in green, they swoop in and save people from electrocutions following making toast in the bath or impalement wounds after falling on railing spikes. I’m not sure, it’s been a while since I last watched Casualty. Anyway, paramedics are just brilliant and if one of them was seen sneaking into Cilla’s house then they could definitely talk their way out of it or people would assume they were going in to rescue a frightened kitten or something. There is no way this plan isn’t going to work.


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