Blair: Labour to Win Record Number of Elite Places

Everyone has suddenly become extremely invested in reverse psychology. The Conservatives and similar moral vacuums desperately don’t want Corbyn to get in so they’re trying their hardest to elect him. This way they’ll put off as many voting members as physically possible.

Blair, on the other hand, is being really rather savvy. Precisely no one in this country will ever trust him again. Especially not when it comes to forecasting predictions of certain doom regarding bearded gentlemen who wish to be in charge. Knowing this, Blair can urge people to elect Corbyn in the only way left open to him. If he can paint the direst picture possible for Labour under Corbyn then people are bound to want to make it so just to prove that Blair’s a liar. Again.

Diametrically opposed political entities in this country aside, new technology has been uncovered to hear thoughts. Obviously the very first person this new development in science was wielded upon was our former prime minister. And boy did it make for some interesting findings. He wears a wig, has a lot of dirt to spill on some highly unlikely public figures (I’ve already said too much but Lorraine Kelly is a darker horse than any of us could have imagined) and is a very big fan of Top Gear. I know, I’m disappointed too and I really didn’t think the man could still inspire such feelings in me.

So the real story of the day is that telepathy is now a thing. How will the noble scientists choose to employ this technology? Helping out the police or secret services with high stakes interrogations? Or finding out what people really think of them without having to go through the bother of actually conversing with them? I think we all know the answer and we should be very afraid. But don’t think that out loud.


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