Designer Puppies Threaten our Standard of Living, Says Hammond

This is where it all begins. It’s the thin end of the wedge that ends with the permanent alteration of life as we know it. You start out by picking and choosing the qualities of your perfect dog with the intention of it becoming the ultimate fashion accessory. Then you move on to babies (as the perfectly logical next step) and from there it goes to hell in a handbasket in double quick time.

Hammond is completely and utterly within his rights as a concerned citizen to stir the pot of public unrest. He’s merely looking out for you and yours and trying his darnedest to hold back the tide of the oncoming apocalypse. What he is absolutely not doing in any way shape or form is baseless fearmongering in the hope of getting some attention. As if a public official would ever do such a thing. Hand in hand with the media. Nope, that’s never happened before and won’t any time soon.

So what’s the major issue at hand? People have been breeding dogs for years into the kaleidoscopic display on offer at the moment. They’ve been perfecting matters so that you can have a dog for all that hunting you get up to, one to entertain the gentle ladyfolk while you’re out attending to important business matters and a different variety to lead blind people around. And others to fetch your sticks and so on. Some are pretty, others functional and many are in between (many spring from unauthorised couplings throwing up results that are entirely unintended).

However, people are getting more and more involved with very specialist practices. Tampering with DNA and the fundamental blocks of the universe and so on. Even if this doesn’t escalate to working on tiny humans then they’ll basically rip a hole in the space time continuum. If that doesn’t threaten our current comfortable standard of living then I don’t know what will. Apart from those pesky migrants of course.

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