The devious plan has at last been exposed. The government was merely lulling the aged into a false sense of security. Then they could fleece them to within an inch of their lives. In the name of equal opportunities and all that.
After all, it would be grossly unfair to shaft the younger generations by making it financially imprudent to aspire to higher education and fostering conditions in which home ownership is a lofty pipe dream and not foist similar injustices on everyone else. But what do you do to the people who have everything? Those who didn’t in fact have to suffer through the war because that really was quite a long time ago now. Who went to university for free. And could indulge in one hundred percent mortgages if they wished without ill consequences.
So you’ve handed out free telly licenses to the people most likely to fork out for them in the first place. And given them more money for winter fuel out of the goodness of your own heart. What next? It would be highly two faced to withdraw these lovely presents. Once you’ve been so very generous indeed, how can you compensate?
Pensions. That’s it. All they have left to support themselves and buy thoughtful gifts for the grandchildren (who won’t appreciate them as they’ll be far too busy being glued to various screens). It would be far too miserly simply to cut the rates they’ve worked so hard all their lives for. However, there must be a form of scam worth pulling in order to claw some money back (to pay for ludicrously short car rides and the bonuses of hedge fund managers. You understand, it’s a necessity. Along with cutting benefits and all that in the name of austerity).
Old people don’t understand internet banking. Make them all set up accounts. And charge them for the privilege. Make their pension payments in Bitcoin and tweak the exchange rate in your favour. Screw them with one hand while putting your most caring face on the other. It will all work out for the best.