Psycho Seagulls Grow Cannabis at Home

You really didn’t think it could get any worse could you? They’re scrounging off hard working providers, lashing out whenever they feel like it and now they’re providing drugs. If we looked a little harder into their point of origin I’m sure we’d find something else totally worth complaining about.

What is it that’s flipped the collective switch of the seagulls and turned them into potential hardened killers? Ought we to have dealt with them more harshly in the early days and attacked them with pitchforks rather than feeding them chips? How precisely did they come by that newfound thirst for blood?

Clearly they’ve raised their ambitions beyond what we’ve known before. Not content with our scraps they want more, more I tell you. They want property. Somewhere of their own where they can hang their hat. Yes, they also have hats now, hadn’t you heard? Of course they’re renting for the foreseeable future as there really isn’t all that much money in mindless slaughter (one does it for the chicks) and even in the seagull world housing isn’t cheap.

But now they’ve taken it too far. Maim a dog or seven and yes you’ll get a little attention on the front pages for a few days but the story will eventually die down. However, when you get it into your head that growing drugs is the best way to take your criminal masterminding forward, things are going to get messy.

A Heisenberg-esque figure has emerged from the shadows, hat at a rakish angle and a menacing look in his beady eye. Why not crystal meth? Where’s the ambition? Come on now, be reasonable. How on earth is a seagull supposed to get hold of that much specialised equipment? Planting cannabis plants on the other hand is a veritable piece of cake. Be afraid people, the seagulls are primed to take our seaside resorts by force. In a mind bending cloud of smoke.


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