1 Million Elderly to Live Longer

Never underestimate the importance of grandmas. Obviously grandfathers have their place in society too but one million isn’t actually that big a number so we’re going to have to be a little selective here. I’m very sorry but you’re simply going to have to deal with this (you might have already picked up on the fact that I’m not remotely remorseful. However, it’s relatively polite to keep up appearances for their own sake).

So, I’m sure that you’re more than keen to discover this sudden key to the extension of life. Allow me to assure you that it isn’t something as mind numbingly humdrum as eating healthily or exercising more often. Pills, potions and magical creams are the way forward here. Along with a little pinch of fairy dust (I am not disclosing which hallucinogen or narcotic that’s code for).

Why are we suddenly so concerned about the older generation sticking around longer? For their gripping tales, their witty observations regarding the youth of today, their mythical cookery skills? The last one there could well be a factor in the equation. However, it is, as ever, about garnering votes.

The longer someone sticks around for and the less likely they are to see the end of a governmental term (I know, the truth is ugly but I think you can manage to reconcile yourself to it. I did when the last election results came through and look how much of a better person that made me. Perhaps that wasn’t the best example) the greater the chance that they’ll have some fun with their vote.

If you promise someone that they’ll definitely be around for the next two to three years but no longer you’d be amazed quite how mischievous they can get. How else do you think UKIP managed to get so many votes? Our elders wanted to teach us some sort of lesson and have a few laughs at watching Nigel Farage attempt to run the country in the full knowledge that they’d peg it before the repercussions hit.

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