Lightning Storm Kills Princess

Not again. This can’t keep happening. How can these freak accidents of nature keep doing away with our tiny scraps of feminine royalty? On the other hand, I’m not entirely sure what they were hoping to achieve by strapping the baby to a very tall metal object and then legging it inside once it started to rain.

Perhaps it was an especially niche and secretive initiation into the ranks of the elite that we’d never heard about before. Obviously this didn’t actually happen. You’d have heard if monarchical progeny had been friend to a crisp in what can only be described as an act of God. But imagine if it had. Would this be enough to convince the ruling family that they don’t in fact have anything remotely resembling divine favour?

Then again, maybe it was a sacrificial situation. In order to cling onto their fancy seats and hats with plenty of bling, they had to pay the ultimate price. Not to tip my own hat or anything (as if I would ever dare to do such a thing. Perish the thought, I am a terrible self-promoter and am entirely incapable of thrusting my ideas under anyone’s nose), but this is definitely a brilliant premise for a film.

Born into a life of privilege, Princess (we’ll go with a really clever pseudonym so no one will be able to work out to whom I could possibly be referring) Caroline was left to the ravages of nature in the middle of a horrific storm. But luck favoured her (again) as she discovered her supernatural powers/was rescued by aliens/it turned out it was all a ruse to switch her with a more photogenic baby. Watch as she embarks on her incredible journey in order to discover where she truly belongs and uncovers the dreadful secret of the English monarchy. They’ve been operated for centuries by hyper intelligent cats. You’d totally go and see it.


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