British Spies Urged to Pull the Plug

Spying simply isn’t what it used to be anymore. There’s hardly any subtlety in it nowadays. You can completely forget about the classics like invisible ink and charming eyeholes cut in newspapers. The shuddering modern age has brought in tiresome downloads and whizzy things of that ilk. Where’s the finesse? The devilish cunning that exists outside the realms of computer software?

Perhaps I don’t quite understand the profession of sneaking and spookery but I can’t entirely shake the feeling that something of a golden age for the job has passed us by. It might well be that there’s been a cultural shift away from what made us so well suited for the gig. The famous stiff upper lip has softened and the discipline melted away almost entirely.

Now in places further afield than our own soils it’s another matter entirely. Adversity and secrecy make excellent bedfellows for fantastic spying. Outsourcing has done such wonders for the world of business (obviously that refers to the men at the top rather than the workforce in general but I dare that goes rather without saying. Profits are the bottom line after all).

The way forward is clear. The current intelligence services in this country should dismantle and find other ways of earning income. I’m sure that some of them could open a nice little shop somewhere selling homemade jam and other people’s secrets.

Then we get help from overseas. Rather than running around afraid for their lives and whatnot (totalitarian regimes are something of a bore when you’re attempting to operate against them) they can delve around in our dirty laundry (and by our of course I mean the naughty people up to no good rather than we honest citizens). I’m sure they won’t have any problem blending in, UKIP are very swift to remind us that the country’s already packed to the rafters with immigrants so there’s a crowd they can lose themselves in.

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