Technology that Heals Donors Aged 98

It turns out that it pays very well to be giving in old age. You might think that a natural reticence to carve oneself up in order to hand out your vital organs to those in need would be entirely understandable.

Once you get to a certain point in life you might well start believing that your duty to society is done. In fact, it’s time and past that they started giving you free stuff like money and fuel and lengthy sessions during which you can recount your fascinating and in no way tedious rambling anecdotes (those are anecdotes that are subject to many a tangent rather than stories about hikes in the country).

But it turns out that the boffins have been hard at work. They’ve figured out a way for you to pass on every single last one of your worldly goods (including heart, spleen, wallet and that antique collection of wooden dolls you’ve been accumulating for the past forty years) to the grasping and greedy generation below you.

It’s a fantabulous contraption that probably needs to be seen to be believed. It will definitely allow you to live forever. This is not a scam, trap or anything remotely resembling a murderous grifting. All you need do is step into the machine and it will kindly suck out the vital organs which are at this point in your life merely slowing you down.

Then it will replace said body parts with plastic or robots or that terribly modern and fancy carbon fibre. You’ll suddenly be able to go for hours and miles without needing so much as a sit down. The young whippersnappers can deal with the exhausting process of ageing with you skipping around like the fresh little daisy you’ll becoming.

I’m sure a slightly pressing question will have occurred to you of why the donors in question have to be such a grand age. However, I’ve sadly run out of time so that query will have to remain something of a mystery for now.

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