FBI Investigates Fun Ride

It was a totally legitimate operation. This was scrawled in increasingly desperate looking handwriting on each of the two dozen reports produced detailing the events of the exercise. What you really have to understand is that it really does get quite depressing being an FBI agent.

The novelty of the cool super-secret agent spy stuff wears off surprisingly quickly. Then you’re left with nothing but a job where you’re regularly confronted with the darkest depths of depravity that the human race has to offer. Things like that get rather dull relatively swiftly too. It’s difficult to escape the ‘been there, seen it all before’ mentality.
So you can hardly blame them (much, it is taxpayer money they’re wasting after all. Then again, I’m not American meaning that they’re not having undue larks on my dime) for wanting to have a bit of a laugh. Especially when they have to do all that looking into the corruption in Fifa (you know, the blatant stuff that absolutely no one saw coming. It was a real shock to the system to find out that bloated stacks of cash had passed from hand to hand).

They went to a theme park. Not the one that’s been in the news for having crashing roller coasters that I’m totally not going to name because I don’t want to get banned from there. An American one. They went on thrilling rides and ate candyfloss and took a large number of silly photos. All in the name of national security of course.

The agents in question would never dream of doing anything as frivolous as skiving off their duties of paramount concern. There were reports of terrorist activity. Poisonings, sabotaging of equipment, tampering with the cameras. They simply had to test everything out so keep everyone safe. It says so in the report.


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