Scottish Lion Calls Farage C-word on Telly

I know what you’re thinking. Of course I do, you’re incredibly transparent. Obviously the representative animal for the gentle and majestic land of the Scots is the noble unicorn. Well, I couldn’t possibly be aware of the location of one of those. Neither stylish downy soft gloves made with silvery hair nor my elegant new horn shaped desk have anything to do with such a beast.

So in lieu of a unicorn scampering about, what we shall have to make do with is a lion. A gloriously shaggily maned lion with a deep and rumbling Scottish burr of a brogue. In a kilt. With a sabre to carve his haggis. He’ll come and sort out the entirety of the mess of the situation currently going down.

You see, now that Farage has scrabbled through to managing to cling onto the reins of control over UKIP he’s given himself license to go further than ever before. The Scottish want independence from the glorious motherland of England? Fine. More cream tea for us, the rightful inheritors of the gently rolling countryside populated by the odd rambling monarch.

Nigel is well aware that he splashes himself most spectacularly across the headlines when he’s as sensationalist and objectionable as possible. Therefore, the nonsense he’s spouting has taken on a whole new dimension of uninformed bile. Now that they’ve rejected the guiding hand of English government, as far as Farage is concerned, they’re a prime target for his nationalist spite.

Luckily, the Scots have their lion to defend their honour. He sprang into incredible action. He sprinted his way straight to the BBC as he knew that they would happily provide him with the platform from which he could stand his ground. It was a very moving speech and you could practically hear the cheers across the country as he called Farage the C-word on telly.


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