Revealed: Charles’ Strike in 21 Years

Now that another glorious grandchild has been popped out of the royal by marriage clacker (this isn’t especially respectful is it? I wonder how much further I’d have to go to reach the realms of treasonous), Charles has made a pact with himself. He’s going to keep waiting (mainly because the alternative is regicide with a matriarchal overtone and that rarely goes down well with audiences).

Like the good little boy he is, Charles will continue with his current various duties as husband, father, prince of the realm and general man about town. However, once the new tiny scrapper Charlotte has reached her majority things are going to change. If the Queen hasn’t abdicated or had the good grace to pop her clogs by then Charles is going on strike.

We should all be very afraid as such a radical action will considerably alter life as we know it. The sudden dearth of public appearances by such a charismatic and magnetic leader of men will essentially cut our tourism revenue in half (why on earth would anyone want to come and see our rolling hills and famous landmarks if there’s little to no chance of spying a prince on their travels?).

And the biscuits. In order to show that he’s very definitely serious about the lack of stepping up to the throne that will be going down, Charles will close his Duchy Originals factories for the duration of his strike. Where will the public go for their overpriced snack goods (it’s worth noting that I do very much enjoy tasty treats of this variety but I’m more than satisfied with own brand. I am a beacon, follow my example in life and yours shall be a contented and prosperous one)?

He’ll also stop passing notes to MPs with crude diagrams that have to be swapped out with more wordy ones before being released to the common folk. In just over two decades you should definitely be very afraid indeed.


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