BBC Fears to See Your Child

Oh the British Broadcasting Corporation is in very serious trouble now. From the outrageously crippling license fee (that pays for services you’ll never benefit from and therefore have no obligation to fund) to the crises it flits from week to week, the whole organisation is in appalling shape.

So I think you can understand the collective quivering in their boots. Now that they’re faced with the oncoming wrath of a Conservative majority government, things don’t look good. Especially after they got rid of Clarkson for such flimsy reasons (what’s a little irrational assault between colleagues?).

But rather than giving into the almost overwhelming despair, the various higher ups have fused their heads together in a terrifying mind meld of the synergetic brainstorm. Clearly what needs to happen is for them to appeal to a wider demographic. Charts and graphics from all walks of life were made (the bag of tricks they trot out for the election have to get a bit more use than once in every five years after all).

They’re going after the kids. Not like that. They can’t afford to go through a scandal of that ilk again. Obviously if the BBC manages to get a brand new generation hooked on their programming output they’ll basically have managed to save themselves for at least a little while. Parents nationwide could hardly be so cruel as to allow the bastion so beloved by their tiny tots to close down (not all of them anyway) and said mini humans will grow into responsible license fee payers and teach their progeny to follow suit.

However, the management geniuses aren’t completely sure where to start in such a noble mission. Whatever will happen should they fail? What depths of depravity and subversion of their ideals will that have to go to in order to hook in those developing minds? These are the questions they are almost too afraid to ask in case they don’t like what they hear.

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