Tories Get Their Baps Out to Win

It’s all about sex nowadays when it comes to grabbing the attention of others. It’s not enough to have a salient point and a persuasive argument, you have to seduce your opponents as well. Or at the very least provide a few grubby moments of titillation.

The big problems that the Tories are facing is that everyone things they’re terribly stuck up. They believe that they reckon they’re so very far above the general public by dint of the fact that they went to public school and employed some of them as servants when they were growing up. The poor wee lambs who merely want your approval are going to more and more desperate lengths in the misguided belief that it will win them your respect.

Down to the fact that they’ve noticed the way the wind is blowing, the sage public relations advisors in league with the conservatives have made contact with various publications. I’m sure you know the sort. The ones kept on the top shelf in all reputable newsagents (and on the bottom one in less savoury service stations). They’re going to be splashed across many a double page spread, tops off, a suggestive thumb tucked into their knickers.

Because if a politician is prepared to take his kit off and bare his soul how can you bring yourself not to vote for him? Yes it’s a disgusting image that will haunt you for the rest of your days and utterly destroy your sex drive but that level of naked vulnerability is worthy of commendation.

Another thing, how will we ever again be able to dig up dirt on the people who run the country when they’ve brought this kind of filth to the pages of the media? It’s kicking things up a gear to the point where all anyone will ever be able to talk about is the election and I’m really not sure that I can bear the excitement any more.

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