We’ll Give You UK Oil Bonanza

The word bonanza is a genius invention by the marketing industry. Go ahead, say bonanza and try not to grin like a loon (not the swivel-eyed variety though. That would be ridiculous and we’re all very well aware that you’re as far away from that as can possibly be. Or not). Bonanza simply has a wonderfully grandiose ring to it. If there’s a bonanza going down it’s clear that you’re in for a terribly exciting afternoon.

In this particular case it’s an oil bonanza which makes it all the more gripping (well, actual oil dripping everywhere is almost certainly going to turn things ever so slippy so I suppose we’re sticking to the metaphorical sense of things just at the moment). Because we know how much everyone out there loves oil. Oily faces, oil artfully drizzled over salad, occasionally even feeding it to our cars for an extra special treat.

So hallelujah, all our problems are magically swept away on a golden wave of oil (I know the commercial kind probably more often tends to be a more murky brown but that’s not as aesthetically pleasing as a picture so let’s stick to the olive variety for more satisfying imaginings). Celebrate for there shall be buns for tea. Massive buns studded with all manner of expensive dried fruit and exotic spices that are wholly inedible because they’re floating in oil.

There is a problem here. It’s the we’ll give you portion of my title. It’s been said time and again that there’s no such thing as a free lunch especially as such a meal would subvert the natural order of reality by trying to prove that people aren’t all innate bastards who’d rather cut their own nipples off than give anything away for absolutely nothing. So beware people, that’s what I’m trying to say. Beware.

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