Children Who Fail Block EU Vote

Ever wondered why we depend on immigrants for those pesky necessities like staffing hospitals and other health facilities and providing affordable plumbing services? It’s because the local children fail. Nobody knows quite why. It could have something to do with the overly rigorous testing we insist on that actually shoots their nerves to pieces at an early age. It may well be related to the misplaced sense of entitlement instilled in the young nowadays.

The business world has cottoned on that outsourcing and appealing to those in far flung climes is the way forward. For those who want to isolate us from our European compatriots (you know, people who can’t or won’t read maps as they’d otherwise realise that if Iceland’s in the EU then we very definitely are), blame the kids.

If we continue to rely on foreign aid (it’s not quite the same as the Third World in terms of specific needs but it’s basically the same thing) rather than using our resources to come up with sufficient home grown produce then nothing’s going to change. The bigots and loners will continue to gripe but if they ever get their hands on any real kind of power they’ll learn the harsh reality that if the country definitely wouldn’t work if their plans came to fruition.

Is there any way of bringing the children up to scratch? Smart pills of some inventive variety? Swimming in fish oil? Beating the stupidity out of them? Harsher testing to weed out the particularly thick ones and exiling them to one of the former colonies? Highly doubtful I’m afraid (especially as most of them are spectacularly illegal). We’ll have to continue educating far too many of them to degree level at absurd prices they’ll probably never be able to repay and allowing them to gripe at the pitiful state of youth unemployment.

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