Cameron’s Pledge to Freeze Lethal Bugs in Chicken

He’s an enterprising young fellow is our dear old PM. At long last, he’s having a crack at stepping up to the major leagues of big boy country leadership. Great Britain or the United Kingdom or the Undisputed Meritocracy of Westminster (or whatever it is that David’s nominally in charge of nowadays) has been sitting on the sidelines somewhat of late. Now our fearless would be despot is taking the plunge and forging onwards in the same vein as plenty of other top guns of the day.

The magnificent white wolf of Russia (you know, the topless one that is rather fond of horses and judo) and the baby faced boy atop the North Korean pyramid of hierarchy can’t possibly be the only ones to have all the fun you know. Of course there’s the highly persuasive argument that we might not have quite the firepower or troops at our disposal as the others but Dave’s got a truly excellent plan for that.

In recent years there’s been much talk and more regarding weapons of mass destruction. The ever present fear that we could well all get blown to bits thanks to the pressing of a single ominous (and, if there’s any justice in the world, daringly red) is a pressing one I’ll grant you. However, there are plenty of other strings to the bow of killing other people in increasingly aggressive and inventive ways.

The idea came to Cameron as he was tucking into a particularly nasty looking plate of chicken from a particular budget establishment (obviously he had to make the trip incognito. He’d hardly want to pull an Ed Miliband and bring about the right conditions for an embarrassing press photo). Freeze the parasitic bugs held therein, tinker with them just enough so that their lethality reaches the point of weaponisation and watch the world crumble into subservience.

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