Police Lock Up the Ginger Rats

As per usual, we’re really not talking metaphorically. There really are such things as ginger rats. Somehow, the red squirrel is looking less cute by the second as these are essentially the same things but with slightly balder tails. Now at this point you may be experiencing one of two reactions. You could be peeking over your shoulder as you’ve heard a slight scuffling and you’ve convinced yourself that a ginger rat is coming to eat your face. Don’t worry, it probably isn’t (but you never know do you?). On the other hand, you may well be wondering what the colouring of the scurrying rodents has to do with anything. For all I know, you could be poised to swing into the saddle of your high horse ready to speak out on your new crusade against racial profiling in the tiny mammal community.

Before things spin wildly out of control let’s get some perspective. It’s a lot easier to be thoroughly racist when you’re talking about animals, I’m afraid to say that’s just a fact of life you’re probably going to have to accept for the time being. The rats of reddish hue happen to hail from north of the border and, having been reared on a hearty diet of haggis and deep fried Mars bars, are naturally far more aggressive and vicious (alright, maybe we’re introducing a slight flavour of prejudice into proceedings. For the record, I personally love Scotland and the views expressed in this particular blog post really aren’t my own).

So to keep the peace in as economical a way as possible, the police are now locking up any ginger rats they come across in the line of duty even before any misdeeds have occurred. What are you looking at me that way for? It’s not as if they had any human rights in the first place. What do you mean that’s not the point?

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