Anti-Drug Lessons Can Cause Diabetes

If kids don’t hop aboard the smack, coke or skunk train it is a truth universally acknowledged that they’ll only turn to sugar the rapacious devils. Is what a horribly prejudiced person innocent to the real ways of the world might say (translation, a Daily Mail reader. Satire there). Of course we should promote the delivery of anti-drug awareness, along with proper sex education (oh don’t you give me that look. The wee nippers are at it like rabbits. Unless we delve into a dark hinterland of double bluffing reverse psychology and whatnot I think you’ll find there’s very little we can do to stop them but we can at the very least get them to use protection. Apparently such thoughts are controversial).

Unfortunately, it would seem that there’s a direct correlation between anti-drug campaigns and the inexorable rise of diabetes. Top bogus researchers at the University of Nowhereshire (they do all the fun made up projects) have determined that there is an actual real life causation between these two things. I know it seems terribly unlikely but it would seem that the haters were right. If they can’t have sweet Mary Jane or a snort or two of ecstasy (we don’t have time for you to explain your deviant habits to me right now. Pills and tablets or sweet goo that goes right into your arm, it doesn’t really make that much of a difference) then they’ll turn to legal substances.

Some of the cooler and harder children decide to opt for smoking because they have no need of disease free lung tissue. But the rest dive into the gelatinous landscape of pic n mix. They can’t get enough, their unquenchable souls will never be sated. And that’s how diabetes manages to worm its way into the picture and muddy the waters of a frankly noble endeavour. Won’t somebody please think of the children?

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