Please Avenge Madge

It’s a complete and utter fiasco, not to mention something of an entirely terrible disgrace. How dare people react in the way they’ve done to what it really quite obviously the most momentous incident of the entirety of the twenty first century? It’s time we made them pay for their outrageous folly. No more shall we stand by as anonymous (or otherwise) strangers who have nothing to do with the original accident make snide comments and cutting jokes. We shall not suffer suggestions that it was all a well coordinated PR stunt orchestrated to artificially inflate lacklustre ticket sales. It’s time and past that we mobilised. The earth shall shake at our collective fury and bow down to give us precisely what we demand. Or no one will really notice. One of the two.

Basically, the poor little cherub that just so happens to be Madonna took a tumble and the internet took note. The wounded flower has been ridiculed for far too long already so is now definitely owed retribution in one form or another. I don’t want to go so far as to tell you what to do (because I’d probably get done for inciting rude behaviour or something. And the argument that they started it, whoever they might be, probably doesn’t stand up terribly well in court and it’s hardly as if I can afford to pay legal fees or whatever) but suggestions are swirling round my brain as I type (it’s not quite as painful as it sounds).

A more outlandish or daring writer might instruct you to track down the culprits, the various sayers of the nasty, make some wittily cutting comment and disappear off into the night. Such a maverick might go even further than that and say if you fail in the finding of such persons you ought to take to the streets and push people over in the off chance they said something rude once about the singer and thus dole of well deserved pay back. But I’d never dream of endorsing such a thing.

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