Posh Mum’s Toxic Fumes in Plane Cabins

Nobody ever really tells you about the dangers of too much quinoa in your diet. The health gurus go on and on in excruciating detail about the wonders of kale and endlessly extolling the virtues of whatever super grain they’re promoting this week while constantly trying to justify their very existence. However, it would hardly be in their interest to let you know that there’s a downside involved with all this healthy eating lark. While you might not balloon or bloat or discover that your arteries have hardened and become so encrusted with cholesterol that you have more yellow running through your veins than red, there’s something else entirely going on downstairs. And sadly not in the excitingly saucy way.

At the most unfortunate and inconvenient times possible, such as when you’re in a sealed container very high up in the air, the noxious bottom gases shall surely issue forth. It’s not even worth the effort trying to deny that it’s an uncomfortable and acutely embarrassing situation for all those involved but you can hardly fail to realise that it’s essentially a deeply humanising process. You can sit there pretending to be as high and mighty as you like, perhaps you’re really rather prim and proper with a very tasteful string of peals clasped around your neck but when that first ominous rumble sounds there’s absolutely no way of brazening it out.

All you can do is sit there and decide how you’re going to deal with the situation you’ve been presented with so suddenly. If you’ve got the presence of mind and self confidence to pull it off, you can always blush or giggle, apologise and offer someone nearby a wafting implement should they be offended by your stink. Or you can always go with the method a certain posh mum opted for, blame it on the commonest looking person in the vicinity and shoot dirty looks at them until you’re upgraded on account of all that inconvenience she’d had to suffer through.

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