New Diet to Fund Lower Student Fees

If this whole education lark was so very important to the work shy layabouts then surely they should have to go some way towards proving it? It’s time and past the little leeches experienced some hardship for once in their pampered existences. So this new legislation is making some way towards ensuring that students really make the effort to deserve all that free money they’re getting for delaying their debut in the world of employment (because that’s very definitely the situation that’s occurring. They’re certainly not trying to better themselves and improve their lot in life or anything so socially mobilising as that).

Every student will get a grant in this new utilitarian utopia. It will literally be free money they can spend any way they wish once they have registered for whatever course they’ve selected. They can purchase books, contribute towards their ruinous tuition or actually get the food they need to live. Nobody said anything about the money from the state being enough to cover vital bodily functions. That would be ridiculous. So while the tuition in question will be marginally less than the insane sum they’re currently obliged to fork out (somewhere in the region of six or seven thousand rather than the totally justified nine), students will find themselves needing to hoard coupons and the like in order to be able to afford luxuries like bread.

That’s where the brand spanking new diet comes in. It’s very savvy thinking, you breed a leaner, meaner and more fiscally responsible generation of scholars. Basically, you don’t eat anything until you feel you’re going to pass out and then you eat a cube of Asda value cheese (this particular idea may or may not have initially sprung from the viewing of a film. I can’t for the life of me remember which. For copyright reasons). And there you have it, cheaper fees for all. What can you possibly have to complain about?

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