Of course it’s clear to all that it’s an absolutely undisputed fact that the massive pharmaceutical companies are out to get you, they want to fleece you of all your income and earthly possessions and don’t mind all that much if you happen to die in the process. We’re all perfectly aware of this and it’s hardly as if anyone with anything resembling power is in much of a mind to change any of it. But have no fear, someone kind and lovely and benevolent and completing lacking in absolutely any self interest is poised to come in and save the day. How lucky we all are.
No it’s not the homeopaths. Even with their infinitesimally dilute powers of healing, they haven’t entirely quite worked out how to make it especially cost effective. The work of the chiropractors and acupuncturists isn’t remotely relevant (it’s unfair of me to include them in the list, their methods have been shown to have some benefits in certain situations. Such is the mighty and indiscriminate power of the word count). The herbalists and the nutritionists are yet to get in on the action and I’ve run out of other professionals to list (the witch doctors and downright witches don’t even get a look in I’m afraid).
It turns out to be a simple sufferer of flu, a kindly and generous soul who had to spend a week in bed with a hacking cough and a veritable snot fountain of a nose (I may have never had flu, I’m not really sure how it works. One of the few advantages of being an asthmatic is that the NHS is very free with the flu jabs). During his convalescence, this noble inventor read a book on vaccination. He spat into a tub, added some saline and is handing out flu jabs for fifty pence a pop. It might work, you might die. Your fate is in your hands.