Low Prices Are Toxic For Tories

If there’s absolutely an upperclassman utterly cannot stand it’s a sale that’s open to everybody. They like to call in favours and know for sure that they’re getting tip top extra special treatment that the plebs wouldn’t be entitled to even if their wildest dreams came halfway or so to being fulfilled. We all know this, that premium and luxury are second nature to them and they simply breathe quality. However, what we didn’t quite realise is that slashing prices is actually some sort of poison to them. They break out in hives, nasty smelling rashes and come over all faint if they are so much as exposed to a price reduction.

So what’s to be done? Artificially inflate prices all round just to keep the super rich in that little extra slice of comfort? As if that isn’t the state of play already? Clearly there’s a wide reaching and nefarious conspiracy in place to keep anybody right wing as far away from DFS as possible. What could be going on in there that there need be a constant sale? Is it where the socialist revolution will spring from? Will the Communists return riding in on incredibly well valued sofas?

Who was it who took the time to find out about this affliction of those high rollers and especially moneyed individuals? Is research funding really that easy to get hold of nowadays? Have I completely run out of things to say which is why I’m coming out with all these stupidly nonsensical questions? Apparently so. Of course I would be far from surprised if a whole entire new sport doesn’t spring from this. People will start running after Tories with choice offcuts from the January sales. Boxing day will become a bloodbath with andrenalised competitors out for the kill. Hooray. I might be slightly prejudiced here. I’ll try and work on it. Honest.

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