Ed: I Will Ban Drugs That Keep Thousands Alive

Let me take this quick opportunity to assure you that for all intents and purposes I am a Labour voter. Well, to the extent that I really couldn’t bring myself to vote Tory (basic left wing prejudice, it’s how I was raised. Please don’t try and tamper with it), let alone anything as kamikaze-esque as wasting my vote on any of UKIP, the BNP or the EDL. Once upon a time I might have opted for the Lib Dems but we all know that those days are long gone. I don’t think I’m sufficiently principled for the Greens. Then again, the only time I’ve ever voted was in favour of AV and we all know how very well that worked out. Basically, I live in a pretty damn conservative area at the moment.

Anyway, dear little goofy Eddie Milliband seems to have accepted the fact that he’s probably not going to get elected come ballot casting season. He also recently watched the brand newish teaser for the new Star Wars film. How could he not be overwhelmingly tempted to go on over to the dark side? They have lightsabers that are basically swords now. They might never actually win in the long run but that have awesome weapons and build what turn out to be temporary empires like a total boss.

So Ed has proposed to begin his reign of terror by outlawing a load of drugs that quite a lot of people really need just to stay alive. It’s a scathing indictment on the current state of play that this idea hasn’t actually negatively effected Ed’s level of popularity. If anything, he’s experienced something of a boost in the total bastard demographic (also known as the pre-Christmas Carol Scrooge population). Once he’s built a little mountain of the confiscated pills for him to play in, Ed’s going to wash down the injustice with some freshly stolen candy from a nearby infant.


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