UKIP Courted Killer Bug

In a somewhat misguided attempt to make their party that little bit more electable, higher ups within the UK independence party entered into talks last year with Mother Nature and an especially shady biotech firm regarding the synthesis of a new strain of disease that would be designed to target rationally thinking people. The transcripts of these discussions held last year exclusively reveal that while the idea of a cull of voters who just so happen to oppose the party’s views was eminently possible. Indeed, rudimentary designs of a virus were drawn up and the project only aborted mere moments before initial tests began.

It would seem that the major sticking point with this plan was an almost total lack of funds. It’s always the way, is it not? You come up with an entirely excellent plan for almost total world destruction (come on, we’d hardly fare well as a nation and even worse as a planet if these nutters ever actually manage to seize any kind of real power) and can’t carry it out because it is simply far too expensive. Extensive negotiations, a few expensive dates and the choicest tidbits of down and out pleading weren’t enough to persuade those with the means to continue down the path of bio-warfare.

That doesn’t mean it might not happen one day though. All it takes it one single minded, particularly racist billionaire with an idle afternoon (you know, the people who are the major contributors to these crackpot operations) to decide he’s had more than enough with the status quo (in spite of the fact that he’s quite clearly at the top of the heap. However, it’s true that even that level of influence isn’t quite enough to convince women to stop wearing trousers or whatever incredibly backward idea he cares far too much about). He’ll invest in the killer bug and all those with sympathy towards other races or an even rudimentary understanding of how immigration works will be killed by it and UKIP, being utterly unopposed, will sweep to power. Oh happy day.

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