Ah broccoli, that devilishly unassuming little green vegetable. We all know that it’s positively dripping with cancer smashing antioxidants. Some people don’t enjoy it and blame the poor stalky thing for unwelcome bottom gas. Such misinformed fools were wrong to ever malign the entirely innocent vegetable. The broccoli pill was an excellent idea, it performed ever so well in early tests and small scale trials. So well in fact, at preventing cases of cancer outright and in halting advancing tumours in their tracks, that it was eagerly rolled out countrywide. That’s when the trouble started.
Like with any technology initially devised to improve our lives, the its early success had gone straight to the heads of those involved with it. Then again, how could they have possibly known that the pill would develop sentience? It started out as low level mind control and brain washing. Patients taking the pill simply felt compelled to grow broccoli at any available opportunity yet felt nauseated at the very thought of consuming any. But hey, more plants and junk, that surely can’t be so very bad can it? Everyone should surely be thrilled at the idea of a bit more greenery on this blue marble of ours? Well think again.
People kept breeding the broccoli, crossing the most successful varieties with each other. This brought about the creation of super broccoli. Broccoli that managed somehow (I’m not a plant scientist, I don’t know how it happened. Do you want to hear the increasingly unbelievable story or not?) to grow legs and arms. Broccoli that, without the merest hint of martial arts training, started getting into fistfights with the pill popping patients that so obligingly grew them. That’s something of an understatement actually, the mutant stalks the size of trees left people out cold and bleeding in their wake. On the other hand, they were all blissfully tumour free. So, you know, swings and roundabouts.