Z is for Zebedee the Destroyer

No, wait a minute, that’s not quite intimidating enough is it? Zebedee’s probably a little too whimsical to be especially frightening and malevolent. You’ve got to admit it though, if you don’t think about it particularly hard (I’ll tell you what in a minute, I’m having a go at seeing quite how convoluted this sentence can go. You’re on the very edge of your seat aren’t you? I can totally tell) and squint as forcefully as you can (you definitely won’t look certifiably insane), that baddies tend to have names that involve a lot of Xs, Zs and Vs. Oh, you want examples now? Well that’s altogether far too obvious. I like to make you people work a little (so I don’t have to do any at all) for it. Made up names off the top of my head that sound halfway credible so as to back up my vaguely ludicrous point? Now you’re talking.

When it comes to inventing characters, and indeed naming real life tiny humans (until they grow up to the point where they are allowed to shed the cringeworthy names bestowed upon them at birth by deed poll), you have to decide for yourself how much attention you want to pay to nominative determinism. What I’m basically trying to say is that some names just sound evil and Zebedee definitely isn’t one of them.

That being established, that’s not going to stand in Zebedee’s way. He’s finally got hold of what he’s been wishing for these ten Christmases past, a great steaming vat of weapons grade uranium. He’s totally getting his, taking revenge on all those who dared to tease him for having the name Zebedee. At long last he will command the respect of the whole world, they’ll have to pay attention to him. He will live up to the destroyer portion of his title by taking everyone else down with him. And then he shall be satisfied.


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