May Faces Ministerial Revolt to Save Kids From Toxic Fumes

Right then, she’s gone full supervillain. Maybe she just wanted to see how far she could push things before she got any kind of rebellion. Perhaps the mouldy jam’s gone to her head, it becomes difficult to tell what’s going on with this Prime Minister. She likes to hold her cards so close to her chest they’ve fused with her sensible trouser suit and she can’t remember what they were in the first place.

At this point, anything to keep people’s minds well and truly off Brexit. Since the whole national emergency thing in the US doesn’t seem to have come of anything just yet and we haven’t got any new ex-Jihadis to spit bile at, Theresa’s had to go to some quite drastic measures. Not wanting to stray too far from the zeitgeist, Theresa took inspiration from the recent concerns surrounding air pollution and children.

That’s all she was thinking about when she shut a party of schoolchildren in a large glass tank (even though they’ve still got all the permission slips in hand, the teachers are starting to wonder if the trip to Westminster might not have been the best idea). If the ministers don’t give in and admit that May’s Brexit deal is the bestest idea they’ve ever heard of, she’ll start releasing the poisonous gases.

Then, once Mogg and Johnson have stopped blethering about whatever’s most recently entered their heads, the actual torture will begin even though they’ll have almost definitely lost consciousness by then. Bribes and red lines just haven’t managed to get the job done yet. However, if Theresa knows anything it’s that a power stance will convince people and nothing bad ever happened to [insert comic book baddie here, maybe she’d make a good Lex Luthor?]. It would serve us all right for refusing to believe in her power before now.


Cameron Made Late Bid to Kill Off Tory Party

Oh, all the swathes of news happening that have nothing, much, to do with Brexit. It’s both refreshing but also dangerous given that we are just over a month out from the big day with no idea of what’s going on or what’s going to happen. My limited sympathies for Theresa May have gone out the window with Anna Soubry’s revelation that staying in the single market is a big fat no for our PM because it would necessitate continuing with freedom of movement.

But it turns out that this has in fact been a plot all along and from quite a surprising source. Sure, it looks like bumbling incompetence and ingrained overconfidence spelled the doom before what he considered to be his time for David Cameron. He’s actually been playing the long game all this time and would thank you to bow down to him as a Machiavellian genius. It’s either that or he had to cobble together some semblance of a plan just after it all went wrong.

Or who knows? Maybe it just occurred to David that if he can’t be Prime Minister again (or even in the Cabinet, based on the less than lukewarm reaction people had to the floated plans earlier) he should rip the whole system to bits. He was on the phone the other day to the Tory defectors, trying to impress on them just how important it was that they stuck with the Conservative Party through thick and thin. It was clear to David that this would get the job done like nothing else would.

Of course it’s a whole lot easier to tear something down than to build anything up but from his shepherdess hut, it’s nice to David to feel that he has some measure of influence over something again.

New post up today over on spec fict lit.

Isis Runaway Stripped of British Citizenship

Well, the news continues to make me furious. A child was groomed online, married below the age of consent in her home country and has just been stripped of her British citizenship, the only nationality she has, meaning that she is now stateless. And people are celebrating. Why? Because she’s not remorseful enough in her interviews? Just because she doesn’t see herself as a victim that doesn’t stop her from being one.

She is a child who’s been living in a supremely warped environment for the past few years. Does she really deserve persecution because her opinions aren’t right on? I know it’s a lot more complicated than that. There are her unfortunate comments about the Manchester arena attack. Interesting, isn’t it, that a journalist has been able to get this kind of access to a teenager with no legal representation?

For all my bleeding heart ideals, I do think she should probably be locked up. But Shamima also needs help, a buttload of therapy for starters. She’s repeating the dogma and propaganda that have been drilled into her. And then there’s the baby. As the child of a British mother (whatever happens now, she was British as the time of his birth), he’s a citizen too. We’re sailing dangerously close to martyrdom, strengthening the cause and messaging of hateful people.

It’s been made clear that Shamima doesn’t have Bangladeshi citizenship. She may or may not be entitled to it but that’s beside the point. No matter how distasteful you find her or her cause, this is a dangerous precedent for the government to be setting. What does it say for first or second generation immigrants? British Jews? With the raging currents of antisemitism swirling about, we need to be careful. Once stripping citizenship becomes a legitimate punishment, there are further troubling lines that could all too easily get crossed.

Open Response to Some Bloke I Don’t Know on Facebook

Yep, I’m breaking format. That’s the major upside of doing this thing free and catering to zero audience: creative and editorial freedom. Anyway, the bulk of the newspaper headlines today are about Corbyn and the Labour defections so I’m definitely staying on topic.

Ok, so the rending and shredding of main political parties has begun. Yesterday, seven Labour MPs announced that they no longer belong to the party and have formed an independent group. Today we get reports that at least two Conservative MPs are seriously considering joining them. We can only hope.

There are so many problems with what’s going on at the moment it’s difficult to know where to start. With everything in such turbulent turmoil, it can be hard to sum up where you stand on a particular issue. Which is why it can be helpful to see what other people are saying and what your response is.

So, someone I know on social media shared a thing they resonated with and I didn’t make any reply on there because I didn’t want to pick a fight with someone I’ve never met for no particular reason beyond ideals (I know, I’m not using social media properly). Plus, I wanted to have some time to pick over how I was feeling about the whole mess.

What this person said was much along the lines of: they’re disappointed by the departure, they like Corbyn for his leadership and progressive socialist policies, they don’t see any good reason for the split or evidence of the problems they’ve said aren’t being addressed. Also, if such issues are in existence, they’re just as bad in other parties.

For his stance on issues such as re-nationalisation of the railways etc, I like Corbyn. For everything else, he’s a lamentable failure. He hasn’t addressed serious issues that have been laid at his feet as leader (when it comes to anti-Semitism, I listen to people like David Scheider and his views on the matter, people who are far more affected by the problems than I could ever be). I don’t believe in him as Labour leader and I have no faith in him as a Prime Minister.

Corbyn is failing in his role as leader of the opposition during a time of national crisis. He wants to keep his hands clean in the event of Brexit catastrophe but can’t. No matter what happens, he will have allowed it to happen through lacklustre opposition.

It’s a mess. And the actions of the independent seven will have damaged Labour’s chances at the next election. Then again, with the shitshow of a government we currently have, Labour are still polling behind the Tories most of the time. That’s a disgrace. If they don’t take the time to listen and do something about the criticisms launched against them, Labour are lost. And that makes me sad. Corbyn, for a former rebellious back-bencher, has shown himself to be curiously resistant to similar behaviour from his own back-benchers.

New Pill to Halt Funding Black Hole

It seems that every day some new miracle medication is announced (and not just because of the ones I make up). Some new ache or pain will get washed away by the healing tide of pharmaceuticals. These syndromes and illnesses definitely existed long before there was a marketable solution for them. No one’s creating issues for the sake of riding up on a charging steed in gleaming armour to save the day.

Anyway, this is a very different kettle of pills: someone’s managed to devise a synthetic tablet solution to an economic issue. Take one or two with water or possibly a meal (haven’t seen the label yet) and all your money woes will be a thing of the past. Of course, the specific mechanism may vary from person to person. But laboratory testing has been more than encouraging.

For example, one recipient of the brand spanking new medication underwent what has been dubbed the ‘golden goose effect’. It’s a much better name than what might have been granted to it but the individual, who would like to remain nameless, wants to make it as plain as possible that the gold is cleaned as thoroughly as possible before it goes on the market. And sterilised.

Of course, if it was the same method for every single person you’d run the risk of flooding the market with gold, eventually devaluing it and extending the original problems you were trying to fix. And that wouldn’t be considered to be much of a paradigm altering solution now wouldn’t it? So some people lay golden eggs, others find diamonds lodged in secretions and others still have enhanced powers of bitcoin mining. No one said that any of this was going to be pretty but you have to make hay while the sun shines or spend brass to make brass or something similarly innocuous.

Revealed: Food Aid for No Deal Britain

So it turns out that there is someone high up looking out for us. It just doesn’t happen to be anyone in our government. At every given opportunity, Theresa May has picked her party over the country she’s supposed to be leading. If Brexit was the most important thing, reaching across the aisle would have got a form of it done. Because she wanted to keep two increasingly fractured wings of her bloc together, everything has disintegrated into little pieces.

And now it would seem that we’re careening headfirst into a no deal situation. So I’m continuing to moan about it on the internet to no particular effect. But there are people watching what’s going on who’ve managed to retain assorted shreds of sympathy. Most people think we’re idiots but one or two members of the international community want to help us out even though we’ve done nothing but scream and shout and demand everything that isn’t our due.

They’ll let us shoot ourselves in the foot because that’s our prerogative. We made a choice and the folk at the top have decided that means democracy ended in June 2016. They’re giving us space to keep on making mistakes. But once it’s happened, when we’ve stunted our economy and hacked and slashed at all our trade relationships they’re not just going to leave us to suffer.

Sure, the aid packages will be fairly basic stuff but it’ll be a whole lot better than trying to force down chlorinated chicken or whatever other scraps America wants to flood the country with under the guise of a trade partnership. Once we’ve started eyeing up the pets as potential sources of sustenance, we’ll almost definitely be willing to accept anything. The pity won’t feel good but it’s a lot better than the side-eye the other countries would be more than entitled to chuck our way.

Mobile Groups Told to Fix Zoos’ Safety Features

We’re entering an age of collaboration between corporations. It’s definitely not just an excuse for the government to take a back seat when it comes to introducing new regulations. Exotic animal reserves and phone companies might seem like something of an incongruous pairing but a little bit of drilling down will uncover links that you just might not have thought about before.

For example, if a koala bear takes something of a personality turn, breaks out of its enclosure somehow and goes on a murderous rampage, how are you going to spread that information? Sure, you could run about shouting about the killer koala but that’s just not very efficient. Your pained cries have no evidence attached to them, people will start asking questions. However, if you were to take a short video clip of the phenomenon on your phone, upload it to YouTube, you’re instantly more credible and well on your way to internet fame.

Of course, this line of reasoning means that phone companies can be linked to anything bad and are therefore liable for any improvements in modern life. Well, now you’re thinking like a savvy political operator, targeting the right level of company size and pushing the blame well away from your plate. Just get social media involved too and you’ll never have to worry about any of these sorts of things ever again.

So now we need to start thinking about the zoo safety features that are apparently lacking. Well, sure, in retrospect it seems to have been a bad idea to allow the lions free roaming time to increase their self-confidence. Seeing if the giraffes would appreciate the Atkins diet might have been a mistake. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to introduce a human-alligator wrestling league but I suppose that over time you live and learn. Well, someone’s done some learning.